Wednesday, January 18, 2012

One Night Changed It All

I was so contented from loving you from a far, admiring you from a distance. I was so contented. 

Now it breaks my heart everytime I think of you. It weakens my spirit and my thoughts is swallowed by regrets and despair. I keep asking myself if it was right to have said NO.

I know you will just use me for that one night but it was the moment I have long been waiting for, the moment to be with you, to feel your arms wrapped around my body, to feel your soft lips touching mine. My rational mind knows what is right and that moment was not the time, though my emotional mind kept insisting it was perfect, the moment being with you was perfect. And I let my rational mind win, because it was the right thing to do. I have let my heart wallow in despair and regret for letting that moment pass.

I have hated myself since it happened. I always ask myself if I did made the right choice. Was I right in saying NO? You have given me the possibility of being with you and you took it away so quickly. Everything changed, you have changed and I have changed eversince. Months passed and my confusion and pain has grown deeper. My rational mind has chosen yet my feelings evade me, it still longs for you. 

I know there is a reason for everything and I need a reason why we can’t be together, I need to understand why. Or probably I just need to let myself accept the truth that you will never want me and can never feel the same feelings I have for you. I need to accept it.. I need to accept and move on with my life. 

SAM

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